He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
