I wish I only lived at night.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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