Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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