you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
