i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
