I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
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