is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize