Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
