Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
