no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
God I need to hump something, right now.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
