can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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