My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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