I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
