you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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