I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
