Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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