God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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