he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
