im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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