Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
