evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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