Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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