im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
