I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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