Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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