why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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