Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Last time i carry you out of a forest
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Randomize
