Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
