how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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