I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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