idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
