Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
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the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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