I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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