i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I checked into jail on foursquare
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
