just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize