Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My vagina is officially offended.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
