if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
