I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
