I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
