i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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