im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
