U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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