matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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