that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
