my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
