today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just high enough for therapy.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
