I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
