I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
