Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
