well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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