I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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