Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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