Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
