Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I smell like Dick and happiness
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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