i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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