I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
