That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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