Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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