my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
