there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
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