I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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