I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
