hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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