i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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