i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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