you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
