i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
