so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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