dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
