3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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