I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
