It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
