Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
