ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My cat gives me a boner
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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