It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
