so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
