his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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