Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
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he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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