I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
