The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
