Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
