the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
