I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
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Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
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I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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