What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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