I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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